Dana - Here & Now

Dear Diary,

I am so done with this marriage thing. I feel like I’ve been tricked into an unfair agreement. “Yes, I vow to put up with his shit forever.” The End. I think marriage should have a ninety-day guarantee with an option to purchase the 2-year replacement agreement. I would’ve paid the extra money for that license. I would’ve kept the receipt in my purse. I would’ve scanned it and placed the file on my external hard drive just in case I ever lost the receipt. For real.

I only say this because about a year into our marriage, Ric turned into a man who wouldn’t have even gotten a handshake out of me upon our first meeting. My hard-working provider turned into a man who simply went through the motions to bring home a check. My thoughtful gentleman who sent me flowers just because it was Tuesday became the inconsiderate jerk who only gave me flowers on Valentine’s Day because I gave him a hard time about it. He’s defective. He is not the man I said “I do” to.

One thing has been consistent, though. Sex. He couldn’t mess that up if he tried. No matter how ugly our arguments get, the lovemaking remains beautiful. And all in all, Ric has a good heart. He’s truly a good person. I just wonder if he’s the person for me.

I thought marriage was gonna be pure, be what the vows promised—like the song, “Here & Now.” Ric was supposed to look into my eyes and see happiness. He was supposed to see that he can’t live without me. Then I remembered Luther’s ass wasn’t married. He couldn’t have been singing about what married life is really like.

Come to think of it, maybe Luther was on to something. He did say “Here & Now”—not “There & Later.” I did feel mushy inside on our wedding day. Ric did look into my eyes and make promises he couldn’t keep. And he had me convinced that he would love, honor, and cherish me. He even said he would forsake all others. We kissed, and it felt magical—like I was Cinderella and he was Prince Charming. But he pledged those things for the moment, forgetting that at the end of the vow, he said he’d do it forever.

Oh well. Enough of comparing my life to a frigging song. Guess I’ll get off of here and prepare my lesson plans for tomorrow. Until next time…

© 2010 by Portia Cosby